Wanted: Dumb Parents

Wouldn’t it be a great marketing strategy for colleges to advertise this way?

I’m going to float my resume to a few universities, I hear that the position of Chief Marketing Officer pays $400,000 per year.

In the off chance that I don’t hear back from anyone immediately, let me explain my campaign.

For my campaign to succeed, it’s important that families do NOT consider their return on investment when choosing a college.

If given a choice of paying discounted prices for a lower-ranked college versus “full boat” for a higher ranked option, I want the parent who goes all in because of ranking.

Never mind that school ranking is easily manipulated, or “gamed” – thus meaningless – I want parents who will pay up for prestige without thinking about it.

I also want parents who refuse to look at publicly available statistics that undermine colleges’ hyperbolic, implied and express claims about how well they prepare their young minds for society. Stats like:

  • Graduation rates – only 45% of college kids get out in four years
  • Percentage of college grads who have found work requiring a degree (48% after two years)
  • Whether attending an Ivy or other prestigious college helps you become more successful (a since updated 1999 study by a Princeton economist shows that it doesn’t)
  • The percentage of kids who don’t learn anything while in college – 36%, according to the results of the Collegiate Learning Assessment Test, which measures growth in critical thinking skills. (Never heard of it? Hmmmm, isn’t that interesting?)

For that matter, I’d also like to attract parents who force their kids into taking the SAT and ACT three or four times, because they’re more likely to be desperate to come to my college!

Last, I have no doubt that I can find plenty of parents who think of college as the be all, end all, instead of a small piece of the puzzle.

Ever look at the alma maters of Fortune 500 CEOs? You’ll find plenty of sheepskins from elite colleges, but roughly 60% went to “regular” colleges or didn’t go at all.

What about grad schools, what colleges do they pull students from? Harvard Law listed about 600 colleges where they took kids from, roughly 45 were Ivy and other elite schools.

The rest? “Regular” colleges you’ve heard of, and plenty of ones you – and I – have not heard of (including Rabbinical and Evangelical Christian schools).

Before the inevitable flurry of job offers starts, I’m conducting several workshops for parents of college-bound teens about all this stuff. And more!


  • All savings accounts are not created equal: some “stuff” hurts your eligibility more than others, some not at all
  • Surprising facts about who REALLY qualifies for merit scholarships
  • How to get a 45% discount off the cost of college even if you pay your bills, own a home and don’t live in a van down by the river
  • More!

Register today, we’re getting into “busy” season and seats fill up.


Your Correspondent

– Andy Lockwood

P.S. Please forward this to any friend/client/family member who needs to hear this info!  Send them to: