Lockwood Latest College Advisor Ensnared by FBI Probe

April 1, 2019

Boston, Massachusetts:

FBI agent John McGillicuddy III announced today that the FBI had indicted another college advisor, Andy Lockwood, as part of its widening college admissions probe.

“According to our key witness, Ms. Avrille Furst, Lockwood first approached Furst back on April 1, 2018, promising her and her daughter, Avril Furst the 2nd, a ‘side door’ into any college with a 50% or worse admittance rate.”

Ms. Furst and Ms. Furst the 2nd rebuffed Lockwood, according to testimony, at which time Lockwood then promised an “underground, tunneled door” into any college a 50% of worse admittance rate, and explained his scheme.

According to testimony, the scheme allegedly involved Lockwood contacting the Quidditch and Ultimate Frisbee coaches at up to seven colleges, photoshopping Ms. Furst the 2nd’s face into a Quidditch uniform (which was not easy, according to Lockwood, as it required a high degree of skill, because of the cape) and bribe the schools’ coaches with offers of up to $478, in small, unmarked bills.

When the Fursts protested that Avril Furst didn’t know how to play Quidditch, Lockwood – recorded via wire tap – responded, “Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it rigged.  Just watch the first three Harry Potter movies again.”

Another parent, Averell Fuhl, parent of a high school senior and scion of the Fuhl asbestos fortune, testified that Lockwood promised his son “the sun, moon and a law degree from Thomas Cooley School of Law,” even though Fuhl’s son was a middling student at a prep school in New England, and only in 12th grade.

“Hey, if Cooley’s good enough for Trump’s old lawyer Cohen, it’s damn well good enough for you.  Just give me 10 minutes and I’ll print you up that degree,” Lockwood bragged, which was also recorded.

“And I won’t need to go the Quidditch route on this one – as long as you can fog a mirror and write a check, you’re golden! ” Lockwood added, according to sealed court documents.

When reached for comment, Lockwood asked, “Are you guys from Fox?”  When told no, he then refused to comment, instead referring reporters to his attorney, Michael Avenatti.

Lockwood is scheduled to be arraigned April 31.

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